Almost
by Francesca Montag
Summary: Giving Rose and the Doctor their moment, the only way they could have it...


_Here is another one of my stories, not just a snippet. I hope you all understand what I try to say in this story and that you don't think the Doctor is behaving wrongly - he did what he felt was right, not necessarily what he _wants _to do. _

_Also, if it seems that I'm posting these stories and snippets rather quickly, it's because I've been writing them for quite awhile and I'm taking advantage of my semi-summer vacation to finally get them out there. Once Fall comes...that'll be a different story._

_Thank you for all the reviews and encouragement! Highly and always appreciated :)_

* * *

"_The drug that heals our sorrows, forgetfulness." - Appianus_

**Almost**

It was always so quiet at night.

Not wanting to disturb Rose from her slumber, he quit messing unnecessarily with the Tardis. However, after being bored for nearly an hour in the console room by himself, he decided instead to walk among the corridors of his ship. He chose to check up on her, to see if she was sleeping soundly. He approached her candy-colored room which was not far from his own – though _**she**_ didn't know that. Her door was ajar and so he peeked inside, expecting to see her peaceful form on the bed.

Instead, what he encountered was a still-made bed. His heart beats speed up involuntarily as he barges into her room, having since turned on the lights. "Rose?" he almost yells, but it comes out as a painful whisper, strangled in his throat. His mind races to the last time he saw her…which he was regretful to admit – it had been more than a few hours ago. _She has to be here_, he thinks to himself…and with that he storms out of her room and in search of Rose Tyler.

~*~*~

He'd searched most of the rooms he could think of…even his own, just in case Rose had been feeling curious – but still, there was no sign of his companion. He was about to try out his next plan, which basically consisted of his yelling out her name while running up and down the Tardis, when he walks in front of the library. And there, curled up on the large green sofa, was Rose – a book resting on her chest. The Doctor's hearts immediately normalize at the sight of her, but only minutely. He moves closer to her, wondering if he should wake her up or move her himself when he notices the tears silently streaming down her cheeks. He looks at her more closely. She was definitely asleep. _Why is she crying then?_ He wonders to himself.

Then, her breathing hitches and begins to wane. Her mouth, frozen at a pout of sadness. And just when the Doctor was about to gently wake her from whatever nightmare she was having – she begins to whimper inaudibly. Curious about her unconscious/subconscious (whichever you choose to believe) thoughts, he kneels next to her, holding his breath. Softly, he could hear Rose whimper, "No, no…you can't, please…don't leave me…Doctor please…" At the sound of his name, the Doctor startles slightly, looking incredulously at his companions' lips. She was dreaming of him? This was the first thought that occurred to him. The second one being that, in her dream, he was leaving her.

At that moment, Rose began to sob, what seemed like endless tears, in her sleep. The Doctor could no longer watch and so, he gently shakes her shoulders, trying to rouse out of her unconscious dejection. "I'm right here Rose – not going anywhere," he tries to comfort her. Then, suddenly, her eyes pop open, drinking him in and for a moment, the weary Time Lord forgets how to breathe. Without hesitation, she sits up and flings her arms around him, sobbing into his pin-striped covered shoulder. He smiles, as he tightly hugs her in response. "There, there…just a bad dream." He can hear her murmuring into his neck – involuntarily sending shivers down his spine. "Rose…Rose…I can't hear you…"

He can feel her attempt to control herself. "You…you left me…I …I saw it…How it's…gonna happen," she trails off, her eyes bleary with tears. She unearths herself from his neck to look at him in his warm-colored eyes. And with a look that could break the coldest of hearts and especially his lonely Time Lord hearts, she says, "I know how you're gonna leave me." She says it so matter-of-factly, so sure. They hold each other's gaze for a moment before she deconstructs into more sobs of what the Doctor now recognizes as heartbreak.

~*~*~

The Doctor finds it hard to muster a grin. A grin is what Rose needs right now, a reassurance that everything will be okay. But there is something in her voice…something in her eyes that scares him because it feels like its true. But it can't be. It can't.

"Rose," he attempts a comforting tone, while his hearts are racing, "I'm not going to leave you. Come on, let's go to your room so you can lay down." She begins to shake her head defiantly, her hands gripping his sleeve. "No, no…you're gonna leave me. I won't want to go and you're gonna leave me," she pleads. The Doctor does not want to hear anymore of this. He wants to dismiss it as a nightmare and nothing more. The more he hears her voice, the more he'll need to believe her. And for once, he doesn't want to believe her. But he can see the fear in her eyes, the need for him she has. And like so many other times, he can't deny her this, even if it will be his undoing.

So, he settles in next to her, holding her close and looking into her endless eyes and simply says, "Tell me about your dream." She huddles closer to him, her eyes never leaving his and begins.

~*~*~

"There isn't too much to tell, in terms of details. All I can remember is the feeling. It was horrible Doctor," she shivers involuntarily at the memory. "We were having another adventure, of course, and there was trouble, of course. My mum was there, and Mickey…and I remember my dad – but that can't be, can it? He's not here anymore…" The Doctor tenses at her words, but urges her to go on. "Well, I don't know what happened…but you were forcing me to leave, said it was for my own good." Her tone turns accusing. The Doctor smiles, wearily and sadly. It sounds like something he'd do. "But I refused, I said I was gonna stay with you forever – you know that I will, don't you Doctor?" Her eyes bore into him, questioning him. He lifts a hand, swiping the lock of hair from in front of her eyes. Afraid that his voice will break, he just nods in response.

She stays staring at him for a bit, and then continues, "Then…then I saw…Daleks and Cybermen…I was so scared…and I kept searching for your hand…but I couldn't find it, you weren't there…" Her eyes fill with tears, but they don't fall. They're clinging to her lashes. He, again, wishes that he could do something…but he can't seem to breathe at the moment. Instead, he hugs her closer. She wraps her arms around his waist tightly. "You did come back though…I just can't remember how. You came back and I remember a lot of white and gold. That's when you tried sending me somewhere, for my own good." Her tone sounds accusing again and he thinks it better if he doesn't say anything. "But I came back, cuz I'm _**never**_ gonna leave you. But then…something happened…and I just remember feeling like I'd been torn apart…" Tears overflow, streaming down her rosy cheeks. He gently swipes away the pearls of moisture, fighting his own.

"But I saw you again after that…but…you were like a ghost…that's when I told you…" she trails off. The Doctor furrows his brow. "What did you tell me?" he whispers. Looking away from him, to any other spot in the room, she says, "Nothing, not important." He wants to question her, but decides not to push it. Instead, he places his fingertips under her chin, turning her to look at him once more. She follows his touch willingly. "I'm not going to leave you Rose. You're too clever to be left behind," he smiles at his brilliant girl. She smiles back, sweetly and softly, still unsure, he can tell.

He'd been afraid of what was to come of her dream. He didn't want to do it, but seeing her, how afraid she is and how eerily believable her story sounds…he now knew he had no choice. Much to his disappointment.

He runs his fingers through her golden locks, inundating himself in her scent and feel. "Now, why don't you go to bed, make yourself comfortable and I'll bring you some tea, yeah?" She smiles up at him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Without a word, she gets up, following his orders. _She must really be scared_, he thinks, to follow his suggestion without a word. He sits there for a moment, relishing in the feel of her lips against his skin. Then, hesitantly, he makes his way to his room, the Tardis shifting rooms and corridors for him again. He walks slowly, hating himself for what he's about to do.

When he finally reaches his room, he walks over to a case on top of his bookshelf. Pulling it off the dusty shelf, he sets it on his lap as he sits on his bed. A bed he never uses. Lifting the lid, he reaches in for a vial of honey-colored liquid. He had never used it before, but he knew it worked. All that was needed was one drop. He sits idly, staring into the nothingness of the liquid. Aware that Rose is waiting for him, he leaves the box on his bed, taking the vial with him to the kitchen.

~*~*~

Rose needed to forget.

He didn't know exactly how it happened, but she had seen the future. He didn't understand how he knew it was the future…but somehow he just knew. A part of him blamed it on when she took in the essence of the Tardis…when she did it to save him. He wanted to kick himself for it, but the Doctor knew that Rose wouldn't have regretted it if she remembered and he wasn't about to chide her for it either. It showed how much she cared for him. And how was he going to repay her? By making her forget.

He didn't want her to. He never wanted to do something to Rose that she wasn't aware of. But just like that fateful day on Satellite 5, and like in her dream – he would do anything to keep her safe. And so, after the tea was finished brewing, he poured a steamy amount into a cup. Lifting the vial from his coat pocket, he took out the dropper, dropping one heavy drop into the tea. Mixing the drink, he thought he could never hate himself more. But he'd live with it, as long as it kept her calm, safe, and unaware of what was to come.

Whatever would happen in the future would happen. He'd try his best to keep it from happening. But there was no reason as to why Rose should live with that fear until then.

Replacing the vial in his pocket, he carries the cup into her bedroom, where she is waiting patiently for him. Snuggled back into some pillows, she smiles as he enters her room. It breaks his hearts. He forces himself to smile.

She reaches for the cup of tea, but he pulls it away from her touch. Her forehead wrinkles in confusion. Before he does this, he needs to know something. "Rose, before I give you some tea, and making you get some sleep – I need to know something from your dream…" Her eyes widen at the mention of it, but she remains quite, simply nodding for him to go on. He fidgets nervously, dreading and hoping for her answer to his question. "What…what did you tell me…at the end of your dream?"

She shifts her sight to her comforter, a blush flooding her cheeks. The Doctor feels his hearts faltering and picking up double speed. "Please tell me," he pleads softly. Sensing his change in tone, she turns back to him, and without blinking or hesitation, she finally answers, "I told you I loved you." He feels his hearts stop, as well as his breathing. He was hoping and fearing for that. Her gaze does not leave his eyes, neither one moves. And then, the Doctor places her cup of tea on her nightstand, moving near her in the process. He is only a few inches away from her, the proximity dizzies him. He reaches for her cheek, touching it with his cool hand. He can feel her warmth beneath his touch. The Doctor hears her sharp intake of breath, but her eyes never leave his. And because he knows that he can never do this again, and because he knows what he's about to do in a few minutes, he allows himself this one time to do what he wants. With his hand on her cheek, he lifts the other to run it through her hair and he pulls her close. She comes without wavering, licking her lips in anticipation.

He closes his eyes, finally covering her soft lips in his. The kiss starts sweetly and eventually grows in passionate haste as he feels Rose's hands in his hair and around his neck, sending involuntary chills down his spine. He separates himself from her, still touching her, and only centimeters from her lips and opening his eyes to gaze into hers. The Doctor can sense that his look says it all, but he wants to have this chance, to finally say it. "I love you Rose Tyler," he whispers. The words come easily to his lips; not saying them, it turned out, was the hard part. She responds to his words with heated kisses on his lips. He has never felt more complete, and more utterly heartbroken.

Slowly, he detaches himself from her grasp, gently. He kisses her lips one final time, a sweet kiss that he'll remember until the end. He plants a softer kiss on her cheek as he moves away from her. Her lips are slightly swollen, and she is smiling a heavenly smile that only love could bring. Despite what is to come, he smiles widely in response. _My Rose_, is all he can think. The Doctor runs his fingertips through her hair one more time before reaching for the cup of tea.

"Here, love. Drink it before it gets cold."

~*~*~

"So, we're gonna go visit my mum, yeah?" Rose quips, happily.

The Doctor smiles at his loyal companion, "Yes, Rose Tyler. I hope your mother doesn't slap me again." He cringes at the invisible pain.

Rose chuckles, her tongue pressing against her teeth. He forces his eyes away from the sight.

As the Tardis comes to an unsteady halt in the Powell Estate, Rose gathers her large backpack full of dirty laundry. Before she can reach the door, the Doctor rushes in front of her. Rose stares at him confusedly. With a tight smile, he reaches for her, placing his hands around her waist, hugging her tightly. After a second, she hugs him back just as fiercely. He buries his face in her neck, breathing in her scent.

Reluctantly, he moves away from her, reaching for her hand, intertwining it with his. She smiles, gazing at him, still confused. "What was that for?" she questions. He grins madly, shrugging his shoulders, "Just because, Rose Tyler." She chuckles at him, opens the door and leads him out into the crisp London day.

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_Thank you for reading!_


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